can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
