I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
