I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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