Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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