We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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