I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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