i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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