On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
