after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well you can't waste a boner
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
