Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
