im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
