A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
