Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
