Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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