I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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