Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
