wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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