I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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