heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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