allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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