i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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