Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
