i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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