My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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