Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
