Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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