Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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