I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?