I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.