Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.