theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
