I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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