you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
