I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
