just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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