you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Houston, we have a squirter
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm getting married
To pizza
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
