Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
