Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
