you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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