I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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