so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
