Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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