so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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