you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
