who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
