Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
