2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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