So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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