Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
