She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
only if we run a train.
done.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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