6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
