we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
