Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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