you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
