i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
