apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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