using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
