Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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