Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
