Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
