I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
