So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
