Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
