I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
