big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we made out on top of his cat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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