I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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