i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
