Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
